you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
