He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
