i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize