Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
