Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize