just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
