He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
