Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
