All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
