do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
