My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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