so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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