Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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