Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
