Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
