Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
