Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
