Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
