I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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