just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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