I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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