so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
