i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
