ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
