woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
