Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
