Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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