i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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