We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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