Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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