HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
