I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm really busy with my period
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