i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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