Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
