Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
