Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
