are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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