omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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