it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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