i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
