you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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