Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
