just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
