I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you had me at cake vodka
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize