i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
