I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
