can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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