I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
