well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
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