her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
