You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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