No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I wear drunk well.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
