Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
