Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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