I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
