You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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