the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
