:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
