in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
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