I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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