Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
