i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
