I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
